So, not to leave you all thinking I am suicidal, I thought I’d better just knock out a quick post to inform you of my upcoming absence. I’ll pop in when I can, but basically from now until the end of October, it’s foot-to-the-floor.
I’m about to do something I thought I wouldn’t be doing this year. No, not IVF – I still hold fast to 2009 as the year off TTC – but I am (FINALLY) going to finish my grad dip ed primary teaching prac, and thus, complete my degree. Whoo HOOO! I’m not sure how it came about. I enrolled last year, and I guess I had to decide whether I was going to pull out (which I had every intention of doing) or just go ahead and get it over with. Last year I felt so unready and emotionally labile I couldn’t even contemplate doing the prac, so being able to face the idea of that now says a lot about my internal state, which is the most grounded it has been in a long while.
Which is not to say I am going into this all blithe and gay (though I am trying to use more positive self talk!) because I know it will be a lot of hard work, and my experiences of prac in the past have been extremely stressful. However, I feel I am strong enough that it won’t break me and I won’t collapse in a screaming heap – which is maybe the best I can ask for.
The past fortnight has been consumed with paperwork, faxes, phone calls and general organising around finding a school, a mentor teacher and a supervisor, plus registering with the university and ensuring everyone involved has all the information they need before I begin. This has taken many hours of actual work, plus twice the number of hours in thinking time. Right now, all is well, and I meet with my mentor teacher tomorrow after school to discuss where she is at in her teaching program and how best for me to slot in.
The school I have chosen is not in my town, but the town next door, where I grew up and went to primary school in the 1970’s. I’m going back there for a number of reasons: I wanted a small year one class, and that was on offer; the staff seem very supportive (principal, deputy and both classroom teachers all have great reputations); it is a 20 min drive from my folk’s house and I can stay there and be looked after (what a treat!); and it’s kind of an opportunity to exorcise the demons of my past – by immersing myself in the place where I spent ten miserable years being bullied within an inch of my life – I want to face that head on, see that things have changed, and move on in my emotional state. Put it to rest and find some peace and forgiveness.
Meanwhile, there has been a lot of tying up of loose ends, completing projects and planning for the future going on at the same time as prac organising:
- the sale of our Perth house finalises tomorrow (enormous amount of palaver involved)
- all our 08-09 taxation paperwork is now in with the accountant
- today is my last session at the 12-step program
- tomorrow is the last painting class, where I will finish my self-portrait
- yesterday we booked the flights and planned our accommodation for the post-prac holiday (4th Sept Darwin, 9th September Bali, 17th Sept back to Perth)
- I’ve been making extra meals every day until the freezer filled to capacity, so DH can have nice tucker while I am gone
- FIL came down at the weekend, with a cold. I caught it and stayed in bed most of yesterday so I could recover quickly. I’m fine today, thanks immune system, you rock!
So here’s the plan: leave on Sunday 21st June after my shiatsu session, and go set up at my parent’s place. [No internet there yet, which means even if I had time to blog and keep up with my google reader, I can’t. I might come home some weekends, but I haven’t a firm plan about that yet.]
Teach 18 hrs in my first two weeks, then break for end of term. During the 2 week break, write my ‘learning log’ and work on my research topic [I have to give a talk to the staff on something I have researched pertaining to their school] plus plan my lessons for the next 6 weeks ahead. Start back on 2oth July, teach 3-4 hrs a day for the first 2 weeks, then full time for the last 4 weeks. Finish on Friday the 28th August, drive to Busselton for a haircut at 5pm and collapse in a heap! *note to self: remember to contact friend to stay with that night so I don’t have to drive home in the dark.
Then I can revel in freedom for a week, or I can make a start on the portfolio that is due 23rd October, and pack for my tropical holiday. I’ve pinned the flight itinerary up on the wall to remind me what I have to look forward to!!
And upon our return, it will be spring. The tulips will be up, the sun may be shining, and all will be well. [except I’ll probably have that portfolio to complete and hand in!] I’m thinking of booking some appointments in Perth to interview potential new IVF doctors either October or November, and then planning to cycle in January when we get back from a wedding in South Africa (late December).
I’d like to keep the rest of 2009 free though, and spend a bit more time in stillness and a LOT less time in ‘doing’. Take time out from even all my self-improvement, and just be. That might turn out to harbour the biggest challenge I face all year!
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